


Cold Fear, Burning Need

by Apocraphex



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2004-06-30
Updated: 2005-04-19
Packaged: 2019-08-27 09:43:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16700071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apocraphex/pseuds/Apocraphex
Summary: After barely surviving Antarctica, Gambit stays with the X-Men for one reason only; to have protection from Sinister until he's strong enough to be on his own.Originally posted on Peja in 2004-06-30Posted here for archiving purposes.





	1. Chapter 1

Remy would never tell anyone, this secret would go with him to the grave. He was grateful that Rogue never got those memories from him when she kissed him, he couldn't bare to know that she knew. Not even his precious Stormy had a clue about what really happened when he 'worked' for Mister Sinister. At the trial, they only found out that he had led the Marauders to the Morlock tunnels, which led to the Massacre.  
He shivered in the Antarctic cold as he blew hot breath onto his numb hands.

 

Remy LeBeau had gone to Sinister because he needed help with his powers; they were out of control. He couldn't touch anything without making it explode, he couldn't pay attention to a person without making him or her feel his emotions, as he felt theirs. Sinister had promised he could take the powers down on a level that Remy could handle, all he requested in return was Remy's cooperation in a couple of tests. He'd never said what kind of 'tests', though and Remy had been too desperate to ask.  
So Remy had thereby become Sinister's favourite lab rat.  
When Sinister had gathered the Marauders for his next big task, Sabretooth had been the first Marauder chosen and the sick bastard had found a perverted pleasure in violating Remy. Sinister didn't mind so long as Sabretooth didn't kill the kid.  
After two months of hell, Sinister finally promised Remy his freedom -- if he would lead the Marauders into some tunnels. Remy had accepted, hell, he would have sold his soul to the devil to get his beloved freedom back. Or maybe that's just what he had done?

 

So Remy had fled the Massacre, saved a girl from being slaughted, met up with Storm, joined the X-Men, fell for Rogue, and had been left in the middle of nowhere by his friends, his family to die for his crimes.  
If he could have cried he probably would have but his tear ducts seemed to have frozen. Nothing in his life had hurt more than their betrayal of him. Absolutely nothing. Not the johns when he was a homeless kid, not being banished from New Orleans... Not even anything Sinister and Sabretooth had ever done to him hurt this much.  
He felt his body weakening. God knows how long he had been out here. He had staggered around for as long as he could, trying to keep warm, to find food... Then finally he had to sit down and rest from the weakness he was feeling. He found that he didn't have the strength to get up and continue looking for help. There was no point. He would die, cold and alone.  
He closed his eyes and started to give into the darkness, when he noticed something. He willed himself to open his eyes, but regretted it immediately.  
"Non!!"

*******

Remy awoke startled from his dream. He sat up, panting heavily; his body was covered in sweat. He looked around the room, making sure he wasn't in Sinister's lab. He recognized his surroundings as the bedroom in the boathouse, and he sighed with relief as he lay back onto the bed, still panting.  
The nightmare had been so real. Ever since he had escaped from Sinister, he'd had them. And each night they were getting worse, but they had never felt as real as this before.  
"Come on, 's jus' a bad dream... he can't reach ya' here..." His breathing calmed down and he shut his eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but failed.  
Frustrated he rose from the bed, put on his silk robe and went to look out of the window. The full moon was high in the sky, illuminating the nearby forest and lake. He sighed as he leaned his forehead on the glass and closed his eyes.  
Sinister had "saved" him from Antarctica. Remy had tried to fight him off, but he had been too weak. It was a fool's luck that he'd managed to escape Sinister's hold after the lunatic scientist had brought him back to his lab. And when he had met Storm and Shadowcat, he had followed them back to Westchester for protection from Sinister -- the scientist couldn't get entry to the mansion nor its grounds, though Remy had just told the others another reason for his return.  
So what was he doing alone in the boathouse then? The others had said their "welcome back". They said they were happy that he hadn't died -- yet they hadn't said it with feeling, except for Storm and Wolverine. Rogue had said nothing at all; she had just turned her back on him whenever they happened to be in the same room. Cyclops had felt the tension over Remy's arrival as well, and thought perhaps it would be best if he stayed out of the mansion for awhile.  
Well...atleast Sinister couldn't get his hands on him again, he thought with a humorless smirk.

 

**

 

Ororo Munroe made her way down to the boathouse. The sun was shining, the sky was clear and the wind brought a welcomed cool into the heat. Her blue eyes lit up when she saw Remy laying on his back on the dock, letting the warm sun caress his face, torso and long, lean legs. She was so glad that he was back, she loved him with all her heart and she had missed him so much. She had gone to Antarctica to look for him as soon as she found out that he had been left behind, but she couldn't even find a corpse to mourn. And now he was back...  
She sat down beside her 'brother', used her arms to lean back on as she looked into the blue sky.  
"Nice day, isn't it?"  
"Weh."  
"You sound tired."  
"Didn' sleep much las' night."  
"Another nightmare?" She turned her head to look at him in the eyes. "They have gotten worse, haven't they?" No response. "Are you sure you don't want me to move in here with you, Remy?"  
Remy smirked, "Dey need yuh up in de mansion if dere's an emergency, petite."  
"That's not a good enough reason, brother. You know how worried I am about you."  
She sighed; sometimes Remy could be so stubborn. She had tried so many times to explain that she could move in with him, keep him company, or that he could move into her room in the attic of the mansion. But he refused. He simply didn't want to be around any of the X-Men more than necessary. It was still a puzzle for her why he had come back here. He didn't want to be with the X-Men, yet he wouldn't leave the mansion grounds. What hurt her the most was that he never told her his reasons why. Any fool could see that Remy was slowly destroying himself by not sharing what was on his mind. One way or another she would have him trust her full out. She would never leave him behind in some wasteland because of some mistake he had done in his past. He was her beloved brother after all.  
"Jean's cooking tonight. Will you be at the mansion for dinner?"  
"Non."  
"Fine, then I will come down here and have dinner with you."  
Remy groaned. "Stormy..."  
"Don't call me that."  
"M' petite." He sat up and looked into her beautiful face. He could feel that her love and worry for him was sincere, but... But what? He sighed. "I jus' need t' be alone f' awhile, d'accord?"  
His heart broke when he saw her sad eyes, but he didn't show a hint of it on his face.  
"Alright, Remy. Remember, if you need me, you know where to find me." She leaned in and kissed him on his forehead, then stood up to go back to the mansion. As she left the docks, she turned with a smile. "I'll see you at seven, then? I'll bring the food."  
Remy laied back down with a huff, "Sure, petite."

 

Ororo went back to the mansion in deep thoughts, she hardly noticed Wolverine standing on the porch.  
"You alright, 'Ro?"  
Ororo startled at hearing the voice. She looked up at the porch and smiled a hello at Logan. "I am worried about Remy. He is so... withdrawn." She went to stand beside her friend and team-mate. She could see the boathouse from here, and Remy still lay on display in the sun. "Something is very wrong, Logan."  
"No shit. I take it yer li'l chat with him didn't give you any more clues 'bout his problem, then?"  
"No, he doesn't seem to want to talk about it with me." She glanced at Logan. "Maybe you should try? You know, a man to man talk."  
Logan smirked as he looked at Ororo's beautiful figure with her chocolate-coloured skin, long legs, long white hair, and her bright blue eyes. "Like he's gonna tell me somethin' he doesn't wanna tell you, darlin'."  
"Can't you just go and talk with him about something else, then? He needs to know that I am not the only one here that cares for him, that you are friends too. If he feels that he is wanted here, he might open up and tell us what's wrong."  
Logan turned his eyes back to where Remy lay. "Yeah, might do that."  
She smiled at him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Thanks." Then she turned to go inside the mansion.  
Logan put a cigarr to his mouth, lit it, and took a deep breath as he turned his head to watch Remy roll over to get tanned on his back.

 

**

 

"Hey, Gumbo."  
Remy sighed as he turned his head to the side and opened one of his eyes to look at Logan, who stood a few meters away from him. "Move, s'il tu plaÃ®s? Y' blockin' de sun."  
Logan grumbled something in reply, and then moved to sit down beside Remy, his eyes taking in the view. Not the surroundings, but Remy. His handsome face was hidden in his arms that held up his head off of the ground. His long, auburn hair, at the moment put in a pony tail, seemed like strings of the finest silk. His muscular yet slender body, slightly tanned, looked so soft and he longed to touch it. His ass was hidden beneath those black Speedos, thinking he wouldn't mind ripping them open and fucking the Cajun right there and then, but he controlled himself and simply sighed as he started a conversation, his eyes following Remy's legs from thighs to toes.  
"Haven't seen ya around much, kid. Didn't know you were the loner type."  
"Well, dere's a lot y' don' know 'bout me, homme."  
"Mind sharing?"  
Slightly annoyed, Remy pressed his upper body up, and then moved to a sitting position. "Look, Logan, I'm not really in de mood f' a chit chat, d'accord? What yuh want?"  
"You really wanna know what I want?"  
"Oui!"  
Logan leaned closer to the other man, "I want you to take a flamin' grip of yourself and realise that yer hurtin' 'Ro by not telling her the truth 'bout you."  
"I have tol' her everyt'in' 'bout me."  
"Bullshit. Yer hidin' somethin'." He leaned back as he realised that the tone in his voice became a bit more aggressive than he had meant to. "You can trust her. And you can trust me. If somethin' botherin' you, we want ta help you out."  
Remy raised an elegant eyebrow. Since when had the bad-ass Wolverine become a worried wuss?  
Logan didn't seem to notice Remy's expression, as he continued, "I think whatever it is yer hidin' from is the reason you're still here. You need the X-Men to protect you. Then we have the damn right to know what we're protectin' ya from."  
Remy grimaced and he started to stand, "I have a headache."  
Logan gripped Remy's wrist, pulled hard and forced him back down on his knees, "Don't change the subject, Cajun."  
Remy glared at him. "My problems ain't y'r business, homme."  
Logan's grip on Remy's wrist got harder, and it would leave a bruise for sure. "Now it is."  
"Fuck y'."  
"You wish."  
Before Logan could react, Remy's other hand shot out at him and his fist hit Logan straight in the eye. Logan growled as he grimaced from the pain. He let go of Remy's wrist and stood up as he glared at the younger man.  
"Fine." Logan turned and started to walk away.  
Remy looked after him, the angry emotions from Logan was hitting him like bricks. Bricks thrown at him hard from the roof of a twenty story high building. Big bricks. Landing right on the head. "Logan, wait." But he continued to walk away. "S'il vous plait..."  
Logan stopped and turned to look at Remy. All of a sudden, the sexy man he had drooled over a few minutes ago looked scared and lost as a child. "What?"  
"Je suis désole...f' punchin' y' in de eye."  
"Don't worry 'bout it. Healing factor, y'know?" Remy smirked, but he still looked so sad. Well, what could Logan do? He could continue his way back to the mansion and leave the Cajun alone. Instead, he asked, "You don't happen to have any beer down here do ya?"  
Though Remy's face looked plain annoyed, his red on black eyes didn't. He would never want to admit it, but he was happy that Logan didn't leave him.  
He stood up and walked towards the boathouse, "'Course I've got beer, homme." As Remy lead the way inside to the kitchen, Logan got a nice view of Remy's Speedo-clad ass.


	2. Chapter 2

Rogue opened the door to the kitchen and entered. She greeted Jean and Ororo, and then froze slightly before she sighed and rolled her beautiful green eyes. The two women were packing up some of the dinner they were going to have into a couple of small containers, and no doubt it was going to Gambit.

"Ah don't get it, why d'ya waste your time with that traitor? He's a good-for-nothin' son of a..."

"Oh, be quiet, would you!" Ororo said as she turned to look the Southern Belle in the eyes. She was raging with fury inside but looked as calm as always on the outside. She held her voice calm and steady as she continued, "I could care less what your opinions about Remy are, Rogue, but he is my brother in heart and soul and I would never leave him when he needs my help. Now, if you excuse me..."

She took the doggy-bags she and Jean had made and walked out of the kitchen. Rogue snorted after her, before she turned to face the beautiful redhead. Jean knew what was to come and opened her mouth to say something, but Rogue raised her hand and asking for her silence.

"Jean, just hear me out a second here, okay? Ah don't understand why y'all let Gambit stay on the grounds. He don't help out with neither the school or the X-Men. We got no use for him. He's all trouble, sugah, and we don't need no more problems than we've already got., am ah right? So why don't y'all banish him from this place? You know what he did. He worked for Sinister! He led the Marauders to the Morlocks and he didn't even raise a finger t' stop the slaughter!"

"Oh Rogue", Jean interrupted. "If you want Gambit gone so bad, you will have to bring that up with the Professor. Although, I don't believe he would approve your request. I may not like Gambit more than the others do, but anyone can see that he needs help. He needs help or he wouldn't be here in the first place. As an X-Man, I for one can not just force him away from us." She turned her attention to the food she had made, barely noticing Rogue's rising bad temper. "If you don't mind, Rogue, would you please call for everyone on the inter-com and tell them that dinner is ready?"

 

 

Ororo entered the boathouse and walked straight into the kitchen to put the doggy-bags on the table. She heard Logan and Remy talk in the living room, and went to join them. She smiled when she saw Remy. He looked more at ease than she could remember seeing him for these past few weeks that he had been back.

He had changed into some worn-out jeans and a white t-shirt. He sat next to Logan on the big couch and drank beer while talking memories from the good old days from when he had joined the X-Men.

"Hello my friends", she said as she leaned on the doorframe. "I brought the food. Are you staying with us for dinner, Logan?"

"Sure why not?"

"Good. Shall we go to the kitchen then?"

The men stood from the couch to follow her back into the kitchen where they set the table and unpacked the lovely food.

"Jean sure can cook", Logan said as the lovely smell reached his nose.

"Unlike some people...", Remy said mockingly.

"Hey kid, not everyone can like my grub", Logan replied with a shrug.

Ororo smiled to herself. Ever since Remy returning to the mansion -- what was it, 3 weeks ago, maybe? -- he had been depressed. There were nothing left to remind her of the way he'd used to be. Whatever it was Logan was doing it was sure working.

 

 

After dinner and dishes, Ororo and Logan said their goodbye's to Remy before making their way up to the mansion. "He laughed today", Ororo said silently. "I haven't heard him laugh since before Antarctica." She stopped, making Logan stop beside her. "Whatever it was that you did, keep doing it, please Logan. He likes you and he really needs a friend. Please don't leave him behind like the others did."

Logan cringed as he looked into Ororo's eyes. She had never begged him about anything before and it was a strange feeling. Her concern for Remy showed in her eyes and he nodded. "I won't leave him, 'Ro", he promised and smiled when he saw the happiness in her eyes.

"Thank you." She smiled at him, then they continued the walk to the grand building.

Logan glanced at her. He knew she was an very open-minded spirit, but he dreaded to think of what she'd say if she found out he'd got the hots for her brother. He knew Remy was bisexual. He had smelled men on him a couple of times after his nights out in the city, back then when he wasn't involved with Rogue. Though he didn't know if Remy would ever consider a relationship with a male team-mate, he shook his head.

'Damn Wolverine, Remy just needs a friend at the moment, not some ol' guy tellin' him he's fallin' fer him. Just be his friend, and if it turns out to somethin' more, then it will. '

As they entered the big house, Logan went to get a beer before going back out on to the porch. It was in the middle of the summer and even though the mansion had air conditioning it was still warm for him. He needed to be outside to enjoy the warmth and yet get cooled down with the soft breeze now and then.

Though his plans for a quiet evening on the porch with only his beer as company came to abrupt end as he saw Rogue there, he nodded a hello and then sat down on his wooden chair and put his feet up at the railing. He opened the bottle of beer and drank a little before lighting a cigar.

"Nice sunset ain't it?" Rogue said as she leaned on the railing watching the colours of the sky reflect in the lake down by the boathouse. Logan grunted something in a reply. "You missed the dinner. Ah never thought ah'd live ta see the day you missed anythin' Jean cooked."

"Didn't miss it, I just ate it someplace else."

Rogue turned her head to look at him and her eyebrow rose slightly. "Don't tell me ya went down with 'Roro?"

"Nah, I didn't go down with her."

Rogue sighed with relief and snickered. "Ah don't get why she can't realise what a scumbag Gambit is. That ah ever let mahself kiss him!" She grimaced, obviously disgusted with the fact that she had even bothered to touch him. She noticed the way Logan glared at her. "What?"

"I didn't go down with 'Ro, I was already there", he growled.

Rogue's eyes grew wide. "Ya mean yer okay with that bastard stayin' here?" Her voice had become so high pitched it was making Logan's ears hurt. "Are ya crazy? You of all people... Ah thought you were smart enough ta realise what Gambit is! The fact that you agree with lettin' him stay--"

"Rogue, I don't give a rat's ass what ya think 'bout it all." He growled and stood up out of frustration. "Yes Gumbo had made mistakes in his life, but you ain't got a perfect history either, toots. Neither have I. I don't need ta hear ya talkin' shit 'bout Remy. He's a good kid and he..."

"So it's 'Remy' now?" Rogue interrupted with a snort. "Ah've never heard ya callin' him Remy, Logan. Don't ya see what he's doin'? He's manipulatin' ya right infront of your nose and you don't even notice!"

"I think the only one doin' any manipulations 'round here is you", Logan snarled as he stood so that his face was not even an inch away from hers. "He's got his problems but he ain't never bad-mouthed another team-mate. He ain't a drama queen lookin' fer the pity of the others. He's more of an X-Man than you'll ever be."

To keep himself from striking her down with his fist, he left the porch. Ever since Rogue and Remy had become an item, all she could do was to make herself look like a victim, used by a player who never really cared about her. He never understood why Remy had stayed by her side; even when he had come back after Antarctica he had begged for her forgiveness. He slammed his fist into the wall of the hallway, making some of the other X-Men jump startled at the sudden outburst, though they knew better than to bitch about it. Cyclops would bring it up the next day anyway, because he had left a big not-so-nice hole in the wall.

He went out to the garage and straddled his Harley. The engine came to life with a load roar and he left the garage, though instead of leaving the mansion grounds, he headed for the boathouse.

 

 

Not even the dead could keep from hearing the bike that was driving up to the small house. Remy sat on the patio and smoked (Stormy could be really strict about not smoking indoors). He glanced at the look on Logan's face and smirked.

"Don' tell me, lemme guess..." he started. "Someone's pissed 'cause yuh were down here, oui?" Yup that would be right. He knew that look more than well; it was the same look Ororo sometimes had after an argument with the others at the big house.

"Ya up fer a drink, Cajun?" Logan asked with a gruff voice.

"Sure."

He put out his cigarette in the ash tray and stood up to get inside the house and get them some beers when Logan stopped him, "No, not here. At the bar."

Remy froze for a second before turning to face Logan. "De bar?"

"Yeah, as in the bar that's not anywhere near this fucked up place."

Remy thought for an instant. He hadn't left the mansion grounds since he had come back and he hadn't really planned to do it for weeks to come, but with Wolverine he would be safe, right? "Sure, jus' lemme get my coat, 'kay?" He went inside to get his trench coat from the hallway closet.

He walked over to the Harley and sat behind Logan. Logan grinned to himself as he felt Remy put his arms around his waist. "Hold on tight now."

Without waiting for a response, he let the engine roar before the bike brought them to the gates with a speed that both men loved. The gates opened automatically to let them out.

Remy inhaled deeply, loving the air on his face. He loved the way the powerful bike vibrated between his legs. How he had missed this. He had almost forgot how good it all felt; it was like every worry he ever had just washed off him by the wind. His own bike had disappeared when Bastion had raided the Mansion, while he himself had been in Antarctica, and since he hadn't left the grounds he had yet to buy himself a new one. And what was better yet was that he had somebody to touch. He craved physical human contact like a drug and except for Ororo no one at the mansion had touched him. He sighed with relief as he put his head on Logan's shoulder and inhaled his masculine scent.

Way too soon - even though they had been driving for over half an hour - Logan slowed the bike down and drove in to the parking lot of a bar that Remy had never been to.

They got off the bike and went inside. Only about ten other people were inside; perfect place if you just wanted to be alone. They bought their drinks from the bartender and then went to sit down by a table in the back of the bar.

"So, who were pissed dis time? Cyke? 'Crawler? Rogue?" He said the last name without emotion.

"Rogue. She thinks yer manipulatin' me into likin' you."

Remy's face paled, "I swear I've never done dat--"

"I know", Logan interrupted, then decided to change the subject. "'Ro mentioned you hadn't laughed 'til today."

Remy shrugged, "Haven't felt like it."

Silence.

Logan tried to catch Remy's eyes but the young man was simply staring down in his bourbon. He hadn't even sipped it. "You know 'Ro and I will always be there for ya, kid. Just let us know what to do and we'll do it." He drank some of his beer before picking up a couple of cigars from the inner pocket of his jacket. He offered one to Remy, who hesitantly accepted and then lit both of the cigars before continuing, "Keepin' everythin' ta yerself isn't healthy, Remy."

The Acadian looked into Logan's eyes as the other man said his name. Logan had never called him 'Remy' before. He mentally shrugged it off and put the cigar to his lips, testing it. It tasted a lot different from his cigarettes, but it tasted good none the less.

Logan couldn't help but to stare at Remy's mouth as the young man's lips closed around the cigar. He cursed himself for getting a hard on and fought the erection down with pure will.

Remy remained silent a few minutes while sipping on his bourbon now and then. Logan barely held in a sigh. Obviously, the kid wasn't ready to talk with him about what he was hiding from. Logan sat and watched the young man in silence for another five minutes before he put a hand on Remy's.

Remy's eyes took in the sight of Logan's hand on his, his thoughts faded away leaving him to enjoy the feeling of another's touch. Except for that hold Logan had around Remy's wrist earlier that day, no one but Ororo had touched him. They all had been so angry with him and Hank had even refused to make a check-up on him. But oh, how he needed to be touched. And not even Ororo knew about that need. He smiled slightly as he enjoyed the feeling of having Logan's hand on his, wanting -- craving -- more of it, but then became aware of Logan's voice.

"You okay, Remy?"

"Oui, I'm okay..." He stood up and smiled down at the other man. "Whatcha say 'bout goin' back home now, mon ami?"

Logan nodded, "Alright."

He stood up and followed the young Cajun out of the bar and then straddled the bike. Remy sat down behind him and once again putting his arms around Logan's waist, only this time it was harder and with more confidence. As Logan started to drive them home, Remy once again placed his head on Logan's shoulder. This time though, he gave the other man a soft kiss on the neck.

Logan shivered with lust and almost ran the bike into the ditch, "Damn it kid, whatcha doin'?"

"I know yuh want dis, cher, I can feel it..."

Another soft kiss.

Well, Logan couldn't deny he wanted it and he couldn't lie to the kid. He growled as Remy continued to kiss him but forced himself to concentrate on the road. It was just kisses, after all. They were near death again as Remy's right hand went down to Logan's groin and squeezed lightly.

Logan stopped the bike with a loud screech as Remy's hand made it impossible for him to drive straight. "What the hell are ya doin', Cajun?" he asked as he turned to look at the younger man.

"I jus' need..."

Silence.

"Whatcha need Remy?"

"I need you, Logan. Stay wit' me t'night, s'il vous plaÃ®t?" He looked deep into Logan's eyes, seeing the lust the older man had for him hidden behind those blue orbs. "I will make y' feel so good, Logan..."

He leaned in to capture Logan's mouth with his own and kissed him softly. His hold on his empathic shields broke for a second and Logan could feel the need the man had of being touched.

"Ya sure you want it, darlin'?" Logan asked after the kiss had ended.

"Neva been mo' sure 'bout anything, m' cher..."

Logan kissed Remy deeply, not holding back any feeling of lust. He kissed the soft lips, the cute nose, the high cheek-bones and the closed eye lids, then gave Remy another kiss on the mouth before he made one simple request. "If ya don't like anythin' I'm doin', just say stop, okay?"

"Oui, I will. Not dat I t'ink I'll have to, cher", he added with that sexy grin of his.

They kissed again before Logan turned to face the road. Once again he started the engine and headed straight for the boathouse.


End file.
